Overview of the Marriage Issue

What we call marriage has different meaning to different people and different groups of people. Marriage laws and traditions vary from nation to nation and what marriage means differs from religion to religion. The way some religions define marriage and the way some governments define marriage is totally incompatible with the Church of Reality lifestyle which give individuals far more freedom to live their lives as they choose. The marriage tradition reflects the evolution of life on earth and human evolution. As we all know we reproduce through human sexual reproduction and everyone one of us has a biological male father and a biological female mother. Science may one day change that but that is how we have and currently reproduce. Marriage has also been defined by other religions when the virgin marriage monogamy model has been promoted with a lifelong commitment and fornication and adultery are considered to be serious sins. The human race has and continues to evolve and we have through science greatly extended our lives and greatly reduced the amount of effort we put out to just survive. Thus a lifetime commitment is a lot longer than it used to be. Infant mortality is down so women don't have to have many children hoping a few survive. Because of transportation and communication we are no longer limited to having relationships within the immediate local community. And because of our survival successes, excessive reproduction has become a threat to our continuing survival rather than a necessity. But without sexual reproduction humanity would become extinct. The Church of Reality Sacred Principles includes the Principle of Inclusiveness. Every one of us is part of us. All of us are fully equal members of society and we do not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. In our religion, same sex relationship are not a sin. And it doesn't matter if people are born that way or if they choose to be that way. We believe in Self Ownership, where we make our own choices to write our own Life Story. Thus unless an activity is harmful to society as a whole, such as in forcible rape, forced sexual slavery, or sex with minors, we consider sexual orientation to be a lifestyle choice. Although the Church of Reality supports multiple life styles by choice, the reality is that humanity also depends on reproduction to survive. Parenting children is an important issue and is related to, but not dependent upon, the issue of marriage. Sometimes heterosexuals pair off in lifelong bonds having children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren all in a close knit biological family. But more often than not, children are raised by single parent as a result of divorce, death, or pregnancy that resulted from a sexual encounter between people not in a committed relationship. Many children are raised by adopted parents or communities of people who are not biologically related, but are as committed to a successful upbringing of the next generation. In the Church of Reality we consider the future to be our Sacred Direction. But "the future" we mean the Positive Evolution of the human race. Thus humanity has to reproduce responsibly and we have to raise our children as best we can. Marriage is a complex issue involving long term commitment, trust, love, and pair bonding. It involves children and generational issues. It involves sex and sexual preferences. And it involves the law and social norms. Defining it in the context of the Church of Reality is challenging.

 

Marriage and the State

Marriage means a lot of different things. There is a relationship between two people who are wedded and the relationship to the local government in which the couple resides. Although these two concepts have the same name, they are two very different things. Thus we refer to the relationship between two people as a wedding, or being wedded. We refer to marriage as the government marriage or "State Marriage". We see the State as the third party in the relationship. Civil Unions are also a form of state marriage. We also see the decision to do a state marriage as a separate event that a wedded couple may or may not choose to do. Although some religions link the wedding and the state marriage as being one thing, we in the Church of Reality do not. We consider those choices to be up to the couple and in our view those couples who have a state marriage and those who do not, have equal standing in our church. Children born in our out of "wedlock" also have equal standing. Our only requirement when it comes to having children is that those who choose to reproduce should take responsibility for the well-being of the children that they created. What a state marriage means varies with where you live and what governments have authority over you at the time. Generally all governments recognize the existence of marriages in other jurisdictions but, in case of divorce, apply the rules of their jurisdiction. So you might get married in a state with one set of laws but divorced in a state with a different set of laws. If the state changes the laws then you are subject to those changes. You can not undo the marriage on the basis that the laws changed and you don't like the new agreement you have with the government. In modern society divorce rates are high. More than half of all marriages end in divorce. When this happens the government takes control of your assets and income and you are often forced to spend everything you own hiring lawyers who are actually state sponsored predators who see the relationship as an extension of the welfare system and force the more prosperous member of the couple to pay alimony to the spouse, even though these laws were created in a time when women were considered the property of men and couldn't work and had to stay home to raise children. A gay male couple is subject to these same laws. Most government laws were written and developed at a time where reproducing heterosexual couples were the norm. The laws contemplate a lifelong bond where children are created and generational issues are addressed. These laws were not written for same-sex relationships or non reproducing heterosexuals who are often trapped in laws not designed for them. Our view is that individual couples should create their own relationship that is customized to their particular set of circumstances rather than the "one size fits all" state marriage that varies with time and location. To that end the Church of Reality rejects the concept of state marriage and we substitute our own. If a couple chooses to have a state marriage that is an agreement between them and the state, not part of the Church of Reality.

 

Weddings and Civil Unions

The Church of Reality considers a wedding to be a the agreements that two people make with each other which are based on promises and trust. A civil union is the agreement that you make that is enforceable with the State. In our religion these are two separate events. The civil union being a legal contract between the two individuals that determines issues of property divisions, arbitration, and anything that would fall under contract law. The Church of Reality prefers civil unions to marriage because it allows the couple to form their own agreement that is tailored to them. Church of Reality weddings are available to any couple regardless of sexual orientation. The Church of Reality is an "Eyes Wide Open" religion. That means that we write our own agreements before we get wedded. That way both parties have to talk it out and agree up front what the rules are. This allows the couple to openly discuss important issues and see if they really have the same understanding and expectations and to craft a bonding agreement that reflects the uniqueness of their personal relationship. For example, in a wedded relationship a lot of things matter. Gender matters. Male-male, male-female, female-female, and transsexuals are all different. Sometimes there are differences in culture and language. There might be racial and cultural difference. Many people have children or obligations from previous relationships. Most people have income and property issues. There may be age related issues. A relationship between people who are 75 is not the same as people who are 20. There might be issues from previous religions. There are job skill issues. Personal habits. Drug use. Criminal background. TV shows. Differences in IQ. Because of these differences every combination is unique. Thus their civil union should be unique. Furthermore many people get together and get married far too easily. Although it isn't traditionally romantic, the process of defining the relationship helps to make sure that the relationship will last and that the couple is taking the relationship seriously and not blinded by the passions of the moment. Weddings are long term relationships where the couple at least intends to be together for a long period of time. We also believe that it's not proper for a couple to wed too soon after meeting. We think that the divorce rate can be reduced if a couple takes the time to get to know each other for a while first. The reason the Church of Reality doesn't support a "one size fits all" marriage is because we want marriage to work.