Sex, Relationships, Family, and Marriage
and the Church of Reality Lifestyle

Understanding Sexuality

Sex is moral in the Church of Reality. Sex is how we humans reproduce. We are the descendents of 3 billion years of sexual intercourse. Sex is something that is normal and natural and it not sin nor anything to be ashamed of. If not for sex - I wouldn't be writing this and you wouldn't be reading it. Like the animals, we humans have sexual instincts that we can at best partially control. We have some control over it but only limited control. After all - there have been people in history who have risen above their instinctual urges - but they are not our ancestors. We are the descendents of those without self-control, and when it comes down to it, the majority of people born on this planet are not planned. The Church of Reality takes the position, like every other issue, that reality be applied to sex. And the reality is - sex is an evolved desire that drives us to reproduce. That's why the instinct to do it is so strong. However the instinct to reproduce must be balanced with good judgment and issues with the transmission of disease. Fortunately we have evolved the technology of birth control and condoms that allow us to enjoy the instincts without spreading disease and not creating more people that we aren't prepared to raise. Sexual issues are very complex and we take the position that sexual education and research are necessary in order to best deal with issues of a sexual nature.

 

Sex and Morality

There is nothing immoral itself about sex, whether within or outside of marriage. This church makes no judgement about sexual conduct between consenting adults. Sex is a way to reproduce and it is a form of healthy entertainment and exercise. It is also an instinctive need that most people have to deal with in order to have a healthy existence. People have the right to choose to have sex with whomever they want to have sex with, and that includes same sex relationships, relationships that involve more than two people, and paid sexual relationships. The Church of Reality however encourages honesty in relationships and high ethical standards. Relationships involve a high level of trust where people have agreements to be loyal to each other, to reproduce together, and to raise their children together. These commitments are not to be taken lightly and realists are supposed to act ethically and responsibly when it comes to other people and their obligation to raise children. The Church of Reality does not take an adverse position to what other religions call adultery except to the extent that it involves deception. Adultery without deception, where the people involved agree to an open relationship is a matter of individual choice. Our position on sexuality is to be smart, to be respectful of other people, to take into account the other person's feelings, hopes, and dreams, to be honest and open, to be trustworthy, to be responsible, and of course to be realistic. We realists are to be good sexual citizens and to strive for a world where sexuality is understood and appreciated.

 

Birth Control and Overpopulation

Our position on birth control is that birth control is wonderful and that we should do everything possible to support reproductive choice. This includes: Availability - That ever person of reproductive age, especially women because that's where birth actually occurs, should have free unrestricted access to birth control. We consider it an absolute right of a woman to control her own reproduction. Unrestricted access includes making contraception available to teenagers without the consent of the parents. When a person becomes old enough to reproduce it becomes their choice, not the choice of the parents, to avoid pregnancy. Research - The Church of Reality supports research to develop technology to support reproductive choices. This is not only for birth control research, but also to help people who want to have children to reproduce who could not otherwise reproduce without the new discoveries. Over Population - We in the Church of Reality understand that this planet can not support an unlimited number of people and that birth control is ethically imperative in order to avoid the catastrophic consequences of war, famine, and plagues that happen if we are not responsible. Abortion - Abortion is a choice and women have the right to make that choice. Education - The Church of Reality takes the position that everyone should receive reproductive education so that they can make the best choices possible with the best information available. This education needs to begin in school so kids can grow up knowing a lot more about sex than I did when I was growing up. This education should involve all aspects of life, not just sex and birth control, but birth, raising children, and good healthy family relationships.

 

Marriage and Family

Marriage is optional in the Church of Reality. Marriage can be looked at from 3 points of views. It is: A personal commitment between two people. A public declaration of marriage to the community. A legal contract with the government. Unlike other religions, the Church of Reality realizes that not everyone is the same and we believe it is up to the individuals to make a decision about what kind of relationship works for them. We don't impose these requirements on our members. It is up to them to figure out what works for them. The concept of marriage in it's purest form is a lifetime commitment between a man and a woman for the purpose of having children, raising them in a stable and trusting family environment, growing old together and helping to raise the grandchildren and the great-grandchildren together. But often the ideal isn't something that is going to happen for everyone. The government's role in marriage is really just a fraud and has nothing to do with the above described ideal marriage. Marriage is just a bad property contract that gives lawyers the license to rob the couple of all their assets if the relationship fails. With no-fault divorce, the legal aspect of lifelong commitment is just not there. Legally you're married until someone changes their mind. Then it becomes a bad property contract that becomes a windfall for state sponsored crooked lawyers. As a result, the Church of Reality takes the position that government marriage is a fraud and that people who choose a government marriage should think carefully as to if the state adds anything to the relationship. We however do encourage close personal commitment in a relationship especially if children are either planned or involved. Family stability is very important to a strong healthy society and we take the commitment to raising children very seriously. In our church, if you have children together, you are effectively married because you have the responsibility to the future of your children. The Church of Reality supports family life in whatever form it takes in your life. We also support those who wish to publicly commit to each other and announce their relationship to the world though a wedding ceremony. And the couple can choose to do that any way they want.

 

Understanding and Compassion

One thing that a lot of religions miss, really miss, is understanding and compassion in a relationship. Most religions raise people to believe that adultery and fornication are serious sins and if your mate commits one of those sins you are obligated out of self-respect to get a divorce. We in the Church of Reality promote understanding and compassion and working it out. People are not perfect and in order to make a relationship work you need to be forgiving and figure out how to make it work. Divorce is far too common and the reason is in part that people give up too easily. People quit over things that they really should hang in there and work out. They take issues too seriously and make things more important than they need to be. Especially in relationships where children are involved. Sometimes you have to just suck it up, hang in there, and make it work out. Marriage and relationships are hard work but when a person makes a commitment - they should try to stick with it. Not to say that there is never a reason to get divorced - there sure is - but far too many marriages are wasted that can be salvaged. In the Church of Reality we try a little harder than the other religions and we try to set an example of what reasonable people who believe in being realistic are supposed to act. (Not that I really know - but it seems like a good policy anyway.) We are a culture based on being innovative and creating solutions when most people would think they're unsolvable. I get a lot of e-mail from people who feel like they must get divorced because the other person has sex with another person. These people think that is an unforgivable sin and that divorce is required. Yes - if you agree to monogamy and you break your word - it's a big deal. But it's not something that you can't get past, work it out, and save the relationship. Realists are people who can "get 'er done". We figure out how to make it work. We are also a culture that believes in community and as a community we look out for each other and we help each other when relationships are in trouble. If the relationship can be saved we try to help people work it out and stay together. We look after each other and we try to take care of each other.

 

Same Sex Relationships

The Church of Reality takes the position that same-sex relationships is a personal choice. We take no moral position on same-sex relationships. From the standpoint of reproduction one could conclude that homosexuality is at worse a birth defect. But people with all kinds of birth defects have relationships and it's not up to the church to interfere with individual choice. People who are born with preferences for same-sex relationships or just choose to do so it something that consenting adults can choose to do. The Church of Reality does recognize that there is a lot of science to support that sexual preferences are strongly influenced by their biology. We have the technology to turn men into women, women into men, and everything in between. Humans are far more chemically driven than we would like to admit. We encourage people to be ethical, honest, and understanding in relationships and we encourage heterosexuals to avoid being bigoted and hateful towards gay people. On the other hand, homosexuality is not normal. It's not severely abnormal either and certainly is not sin or an abomination to God. The Church of Reality opposes the extremist war between religious hatred and gays who want to alter reality to promote an agenda that homosexual relationships are equivalent to heterosexual relationships. We are one planet, we are all here together, and we are going to figure out how to get along with each other. The Church of Reality supports sexual research to better understand the science, biology, and reality behind same-sex relationships and as realist we are commited to reality the way it really is.